I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
