whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
