Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
