Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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