also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
