On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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