So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
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Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
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Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize