Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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