Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
