have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
