Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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