I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize
