i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed