i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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