i don't plan on having that self control this summer
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight