I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
