today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
