I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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