I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
