he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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