Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
