Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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