if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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