apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
