I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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