apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
