is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize