We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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