Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
