living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
