I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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