we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
