I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
