Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize