you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
