god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
