booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
