you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
