remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
