He is an equal opportunity slut.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
