I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
