Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
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