i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
