Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
