dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
