i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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