if i died would you start the facebook group?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
