a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize