in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
