why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
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we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
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DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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