I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
