Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
