I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
smell my finger.
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He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
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But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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