Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
