so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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