i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I came so hard my ears popped.
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