20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You were trust falling into bushes
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize