I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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