If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
