he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
