Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize