we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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