david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I stole a fireplace last night.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
how drunk are you?
Several
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
