i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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