Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
