Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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